Saturday, January 19, 2013

House at the End of the Street (2012)

 First, let me say that I have nothing against Jennifer Lawrence or Elisabeth Shue. Aside from the fact that I'm a huge nerd, and anyone involved in X-Men: First Class or the Back to the Future trilogy gets a pass from me, I don't care how poor the performance is. But Jennifer Lawrence as an independent teenager with a take-no-shit attitude works. Separately, Elisabeth Shue, you're beautiful, I love you, and I'm sorry but I wasn't paying attention to your lines because your on-screen presence is amazing.

Now, with that out of the way....

1. So much focus on the struggling mother-daughter relationship relieves suspense and makes me feel like I'm watching an after-school special.

2. Max Thieriot did a great job playing a creepy, subtle weirdo in 'My Soul to Take', because that's how he acts - like a creepy weirdo, not a broken tough guy who can barely see over the steering wheel of a car that dwarfs an already shrimpy dude, let alone someone who can overpower multiple people at a time, sprint at superhuman speeds, or take on a cop in hand-to-hand combat (all attributes of the character he plays in this film).

3. Well, more of a continuation of #2, but - Where's the suspense? The build-up is great, you start to anticipate that something is about to happen, and just when you can't take anymore - oh it's just Max Thieriot and his goofy awkwardness.

4. After a while I started getting used to the cliche character relationships and repeated use of quick cut-away's on top of loud noises to try and be 'jumpy scary', but then I noticed a familiar plot twist start to develop. In fact, a plot stolen directly from a B-Horror movie from the 80's, something called 'Sleepaway Camp'. Here it is: "When he was little, he was on the swing-set with his younger sister and she fell off and hit her head and died. Meanwhile, mommy was high on meth and daddy was wasted in front of the TV, they find out little Carrie Anne has died and bury her in the backyard." You're probably thinking, "That doesn't sound anything like Sleepaway Camp", but here's the clincher: The doped up parents decide to put little Ryan in a dress and raise him as his sister, for years, until he finally goes apeshit and starts killing people. Sound familiar?

5. If you're going to do a bad movie, at least be original.

In closing, my advice is to go find a copy of 'Sleepaway Camp', watch it till the end, and thank me later.

1 out of 4

Avoid this one.

Cheers and goodnight.

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