Saturday, January 19, 2013

Paranormal Activity 4 (2012)

Since this is the fourth installment in the 'Paranormal Activity' series, we've come to expect a certain level of shittiness, but nothing can prepare you for just how shitty it really is.

To sum up the plot of this abomination, the woman from the first movie has kidnapped her nephew, as you witnessed in the second movie, and apparently years later has purchased a house across the street from a family of idiots (the main family in this film), thus chaos ensues. All of the usual 'Paranormal Activity' antics are included - weird noises, moving furniture, uptight parents that can't see passed their own success to acknowledge there's anything wrong, but this time they've added all new elements to an already played-out script.

Where to begin...

1. Zero suspense. I mean zero. The teenager you're forced to follow for the entirety of the movie is I'm assuming a ploy to appeal to younger audiences. It would be like if the daughter in the second movie was walking around with a camera the whole time - and that was the whole movie. The "filming" is now done with a single handheld camera and laptops sitting on tables.  I don't want to see how a teenage girl reacts to being scared, because I know how she'll react - like a damn teenage girl.

2. The girl's little brother plays Kinect sports with the 'ghost'. I'm going to just let that one sink in.

3. The actress from the first movie can't get enough screen time, apparently, and is just riding the gravy train of the success from the first film. She's all over this movie, contributing nothing to the story of any value, and why not? It's the easiest role in the world: Just act like you have no personality and say your lines like a robot. Easy as pie.

4. YOU ARE VERY AWARE OF THE LENGTH OF THIS MOVIE. Even without the 'ghost' element, the characters are as bland as it gets. No one has any depth in this movie. Everyone is superficial. I don't remember anyone's names and I just watched the movie. I forgot the mother character was even in the movie. Is it boring? Only if you don't enjoy watching paint dry. If you do, you're going to love it.

5. The movie ends with everyone getting killed by... zombies? I think? Maybe they're the same cult that they ended the third movie with? I'm not sure. I was just thankful it was over.

In closing, stay away. If you enjoyed the first 'Paranormal Activity', don't let this one ruin the franchise for you. If you didn't enjoy the first movie and have managed to not see any that followed, congratulations. You've dodged a barrage of bullets. Shit bullets.

1 out of 4

Avoid this one.

Cheers and goodnight.

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